I’ll fill you in on the drama that’s been taking place in my town.
First: a 17 year-old friend of mine has a 40 something year-old man who has been writing her love letters. This man is the father of a 15 year-old close friend of the 17 year-old. When the girl finally told me about the situation, she confided that he’d written her 3 times. She showed me one of the letters, and it was sick and I told her so. I think Dominicans a lot of times tend to be more dramatic than most Americans, and this letter was no exception. He said things that I found revolting, coming from a man so much older than her. The age thing is such an issue for us Americans, and I still don’t have a good feel on if it’s an issue to Dominicans or not.
I tend to keep my stronger opinions to myself here, trying always to make friends and avoid making enemies. I’m hesitant to talk about religion or politics, though many of you know I adore talking about those topics back home. I also try not to make statements about people, unless they are flattering, and usually only to their faces (because you never know who you might offend by speaking well of someone else.) Sometimes it feels like I’m walking on eggshells, and perhaps I go above and beyond what’s really necessary, but it’s still what I do. Only twice have I ever really spoken out, once a few months ago when this same friend showed me a book that referred to homosexuality and masturbation as unnatural (I shook the book in my hands and told her it was “shit”) and the other time when I told her how wrong I thought this situation with this man was. She didn’t react much to hearing that, mostly just listened to what I said. I told her in situations like this, you’ve got to wonder why someone with so much more life experience wants to date someone so much younger than he is. She nodded. And it’s obvious that it’s wrong that he wants to date someone just 2 years older than his own son, whom he hadn’t seen in years, apparently.
In addition to all that, the man gets on my nerves! It’s tiring to listen to people here when they think they speak perfect English, and in fact they are very far from it. He’s one of those people. He constantly throws out these words, one at a time, trying to teach the kids or something, and he tries to get me to go along with the disjointed, haphazard education. But he doesn’t even clue them in on what he’s saying, and it is my personal belief that in a group where there are people who speak more than one language, you should always go with the majority unless you specifically announce that you’re going to switch over. The man never tells anyone, which leaves us all there, looking at him stupefied, them because he hasn’t told them what he’s saying and me because he’s not saying anything that makes any kind of sense, and because he never gave a warning that he was going to switch over! ANNOYING! So even if I could ever get behind 40 something year-olds dating minors, I could never rally behind someone who abandoned their family, and has no linguistic manners.
Second: a 15 year-old friend of mine, who has a lot of problems at home, also confided in me about those problems. I referred to him in another blog as Alfie. I believe he’s gay, but he told me he wants to marry one of the girls in town. I try to be supportive with him, no matter what the circumstance, but it is hard to know what to say and how to react when he’s almost a man and still get’s smacked around at home, and when he doesn’t get a lot of support from his peers because of his flamboyance. What he told me was that his parents aren’t his birth parents, which is common enough here. He told me that he hasn’t seen his birth father in over a year or his birth mother in over 5 years; that they, or one of them, left him, a tiny, under-weight infant in a plastic bag with a very dramatic case of diarrhea, on the doorstep of the home where he lives now. That is what he told me, and that the people raising him have never hugged him. He reminded me that a hug I gave him a few weeks ago was the second hug he’s ever gotten. So of course I hugged him again. But what else can I say but that? I’m hoping to get him into training next year to be a regional coordinator for Escojo (someone who travels around, supporting the Escojo groups in their area where the volunteers have left.) In the group of regional coordinators I’ve heard that a few of the males are gay, which is interesting. In high school choir I found out that a few kids felt like they had nothing going for them but choir and our choir director, that they felt saved by him. I wonder if Alfie will end up feeling that way about Escojo.
Finally: me. Sadly, I might be the topic of some of the drama, well, me and Escojo. Before I arrived, the kids in town had very little in their daily schedules: school and church. Now, with some of them attending First Aid and gardening, and up to3 Escojo meetings a week, they are a lot busier. This has created something of a conflict among the coordinators of the various church activities. A few weeks ago we’d had a trip to the beach planned for a Saturday. The priest told the Escojo kids that if they chose to go to the beach instead of coming to mass, he’d have to kick them out of their Catholic youth group. So, a bunch decided to go to mass, leaving us without enough money to pay for the truck. So we cancelled the trip. After we’d cancelled I found out that the priest hadn’t come to our town to give mass in over 3 weeks, so when he didn’t end up coming that Saturday either, I wasn’t surprised, but was very disappointed. I told the kids, and they agreed that in the future we would make our plans and not let them be changed at the last minute by outsiders. I told them that if they agreed a date could work (even if there was mass scheduled) we would go for it. Everyone agreed that that was a great plan.
Last Sunday we were scheduled to give our first Sunday session to the group we’re forming in the other town. The priest had specifically (if indirectly) asked us to move the date from Wednesdays to Sundays at 4PM so that we wouldn’t have problems keeping track of the kids in the dark. I wholeheartedly agreed with his reasons and was happy to change. On our way out of our town, the priest showed up and asked where we were headed. Apparently he couldn’t come to give mass the Saturday before and had changed it to Sunday, at the same time we were supposed to be in the other town. Because of that, a lot of kids from our group were not going with us.
Last night, I stumbled into a meeting with practically every member of my Escojo group and the priest. Alfie was crying/screaming at someone on the other side of the circle and then she cried/screamed back. When I need my Spanish understanding to be perfect, it rarely is, and last night was no exception. Their problem had something to do with saying he’d be at mass and help clean up beforehand and as a result of not having come, a rumor spread that he was going to get in trouble. I couldn’t decide whether the awkwardness of being there was better or worse than the awkwardness of leaving, and then someone said the word “Escojo,” so then it got personal, but not as personal as I thought it could; soon after someone said the word “Elizabeth.” Only half the group new I’d even walked up, so I felt really torn about leaving. All I could understand that they were saying was that Escojo takes up a lot of their time, but I still heard my name mentioned about 4 times and couldn’t figure out what people were saying about me and Escojo.
I ended up deciding that the priest was probably very discouraged that the kids who used to have very empty schedules are now a lot busier, and as a result, his schedule is now a lot harder to manage. But I couldn’t get over the fact that people were talking about Escojo and me and no one had asked me to come to the meeting. Obviously I’d be happy to talk to anyone about Escojo, our schedule or anything else, but I didn’t like that I’d stumbled into that situation.
When the meeting ended I asked 2 kids who were in it what was happening. They asked why I’d left and told me not to worry, that everything everyone said about Escojo was great, that everyone supports it and us, and me. I asked them what people had said about me, and they said that only good things were said about me and that I shouldn’t worry. I asked why no one had told me to come to the meeting, so I could talk about things with them. They said they hadn’t known they’d be talking about Escojo and that anyways, their youth group meetings are only for the youth group members, which is also why they told me they couldn’t tell me what else people were talking about. So, I guess I just sort of have to trust them.
As for the schedule conflicts, I haven’t the foggiest. We changed the meetings to Sundays, just as the priest wanted. If he wants that time open for mass I honestly don’t know what we’ll do because there are only so many hours in a day, and a week. Without being able to meet after dark, we’re down the weekends, and since no one wants to meet in the morning (because they have to do chores) we are left to 2 weekend afternoons a week, both of which at hours other than 4PM on Sundays, are filled with other church activities in the 2 towns. So, we’ll see. But don’t we just really wish that the priest would take it up with me directly?
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
The Glass Is Half...
February was a big month. I finished my diagnostic, so I finally began to work in my community, I moved from my host family’s home to a home of my own (my first time truly living alone), and I got Lina. October, although it’s only half-way over, is shaping up to be a big month too. I took 3 kids to the Escojo National Conference, I found out a new health volunteer is coming within days to live just 30 minutes away from my site, (and that there’s a potential that 2 more might be coming to the big town just 10 minutes away in the not-too distant future), and I GOT PHONE SIGNAL! Unfortunately, the sort of phone signal that now reaches me is not the same kind that is compatible with the Peace Corps cell phone network, so in terms of being in touch with other volunteers, I’m pretty much where I used to be, except (hopefully) in the case of emergencies. But, the good news is that I can now be reached by anyone willing to pay for the call, 24 hours a day, unless something happens to the cell phone tower; this is unlike my old situation which was “landline” access at my neighbor’s house, so I could only be reached during polite visiting hours, and sometimes not at all because the antenna would be out of whack.
The national conference was great. The three boys I ended up taking where selected because they excelled in interviews I conducted with the entire group and for their good attendance records. I think they had a great time in the various sessions, all having to do with the theme “Breaking the Silence.” So we talked about topics that otherwise can often go unmentioned in this country: abortion, sexual orientation, family violence, sex work, drugs and alcohol, among others. I think that they (like me) enjoyed the nighttime activities the most; on the first night we had a debate in which every kid got to argue a different position on those controversial topics, and on the second night we had a huge dance with some great decorations.
Today marks my official (well at least in my mind it’s official; I seriously doubt anyone in Peace Corps keeps track of things like this) half-way mark of service! I got to country on September 13th 2007 and my official end date is November 20th 2009, which I calculated to have a half-way point of October 16th and one half. So there you have it! (Still sticking to that by-line that it only really starts to matter at my one-year-of-service-completed/one-year-of-service-left mark. I still don’t feel like I’ve accomplished enough to be already half way, and I’m technically, I’m really not. That great day will take place on the 20th of November.)
In the time between now and then I am hoping to complete 2 large projects with more success than they have started. The first is a garden project. I was able to get free seeds from the Department of Agriculture, but I have been unsuccessful in motivating my regular slew of women-participants to bring their children or husbands to come to gardening classes (as I doubted they’d be willing to do any of the heavy-lifting) so that stalled. That was, until I came up with the idea of switching the class times to weekends so that the high school kids (who have classes in the afternoons) can come to learn and to help. (They are the only super-enthusiastic people in the community anyways, and they all wanted to come when I first announced it.) I’m using the same technique to save the new youth group in that huge town one over from ours. We have been unlucky with having power on the nights of our meetings, and the sun is going down earlier and earlier now, so we had two unfortunate meetings where my kids were trying to get a group of over 50 to settle down and pay attention, in the dark! Besides that, the woman who lends us the meeting space got very irrationally angry that we were meeting in the dark and threatened to report us to the Catholic “dioceses” (which mostly consists of one (married) man on his motorcycle who totally supports us anyways.) But still, my main goal here has always been to make friends, and not enemies. So, I moved those meetings to the weekend as well, which makes me all-too-busy on weekends, and perhaps not busy enough during the week anymore.
Other updates:
FIRST AID: continues to be met with mixed results. This week it rained so attendance was limited to 4, but at least they were all adult women, the audience for which the class was originally intended. I think we have one more class, then a review session and then an exam. I don’t have a good feeling for how well people will do on the exam, mostly because I don’t really know how to differentiate between who’s really in the class and who just comes sometimes, like with the nutrition class, but actually worse in this one. After we wrap up I intend to educate the ladies (strictly ladies, I will not let the teens get involved in this part) about how to begin to spread what they’ve been learning: nutrition and first aid, as that is my primary reason for being here. (If only it was to master dominoes, which I have already done… many times over.) That will take us up to December when they’d lose interest for the holiday season (which technically already began on the 8th of this month, I was just informed) and when I go home for 3 weeks! Why start anything longer before a 3 week break, right?
ESCOJO in my town: we’re doing good. Our primary focus is the group in the town nearby, and they want to do it all again in the near year in the town one over on the other side of us. I think, more power to you! The whole main goal of Escojo is for the kids to get motivated and spread the word (about condom use, getting tested, not drinking tons or doing drugs, etc.) either in individual sessions to large groups or as a set in a course to large groups. As far as the library is concerned, we’ve hit a bit of a bump in the road: no one wants to donate the land. It’s unbelievable that in a town this size, in which every single resident is a farmer with loads of land sitting and going to squat a lot of the time, and in which everyone loves to read, we can’t get anyone to donate any land…yet. I am determined and have not given up hope. We’ve only asked a few people anyways. If no one will give it up freely, we would have to go through the government to solicit them to buy the land off of someone. That, obviously, could take years, time I, obviously, don’t have.
And a stall with the stoves project as well… the application for the funds from USAID hasn’t come through, and who knows when it might. And then, I’ll still have to apply for the money, which is dwindling. (I’m not sure if you’re aware, but we’re in the middle of a financial crisis here!) (I DON’T BUY IT! We’re still the richest of the rich, just give me the money to do the stoves, okay? Okay!) Anyways…that could hopefully begin in the start of the new year as well. If it doesn’t start then, then it might not ever… I know it seems crazy, but that’s a long project and I sort of have to know now to make sure I can finish it in before the more than a year that I have left.
In my personal life:
I feel like there are some people here who get me more and more each day, mostly the kids in the youth group, but also a select group of adult men and women (and even some kiddies). These relationships all thrive on my ability to laugh and myself and not take it too personally when they laugh at me.
Lina is in a phase of chewing her leashes to pieces in very clean cuts, which is frustrating. I learned just how attached to her (and defensive of her) I am when people started to tell me she gave me ringworm. I refused to believe it, and I still do. I think that it was her mother, because that dog really is dirty. Sad, but true. I try to keep Lina as clean as possible, and sadly no one says that for Lady, Lina’s mommy.
The rats and mice are back, and boy are the louder and messier than ever. I really dislike the tails. I guess I don’t like the razor-sharp teeth that can chew threw anything either… but the tails are super gross.
In the PC volunteer circle: I’m getting to know members of the group that swore in in May better and have been enjoying that. Things did, however, get a bit heated when a particular volunteer who agrees with me that Dave Matthews is good, that Jack Johnson is okay and the John Mayer sucks then said that Dire Straits and James Taylor are not good! Abomination! Obviously, he and I can no longer be friends. It’s okay though, the new group is swearing in at the end of this month.
And my hair is SO long and sadly, so unbelievable to manage! I think since my childhood this is the first time I’ve had such long hair and zero ability to do anything with it. I get comments all the time on it, mostly because it calls a lot of attention to itself, and not the good kind. People mention its length, its frizziness, and/or where exactly I have it situated on my head, but not once have I heard that it looks particularly lovely in the pony tail I have it in for the day. So the battle continues.
The national conference was great. The three boys I ended up taking where selected because they excelled in interviews I conducted with the entire group and for their good attendance records. I think they had a great time in the various sessions, all having to do with the theme “Breaking the Silence.” So we talked about topics that otherwise can often go unmentioned in this country: abortion, sexual orientation, family violence, sex work, drugs and alcohol, among others. I think that they (like me) enjoyed the nighttime activities the most; on the first night we had a debate in which every kid got to argue a different position on those controversial topics, and on the second night we had a huge dance with some great decorations.
Today marks my official (well at least in my mind it’s official; I seriously doubt anyone in Peace Corps keeps track of things like this) half-way mark of service! I got to country on September 13th 2007 and my official end date is November 20th 2009, which I calculated to have a half-way point of October 16th and one half. So there you have it! (Still sticking to that by-line that it only really starts to matter at my one-year-of-service-completed/one-year-of-service-left mark. I still don’t feel like I’ve accomplished enough to be already half way, and I’m technically, I’m really not. That great day will take place on the 20th of November.)
In the time between now and then I am hoping to complete 2 large projects with more success than they have started. The first is a garden project. I was able to get free seeds from the Department of Agriculture, but I have been unsuccessful in motivating my regular slew of women-participants to bring their children or husbands to come to gardening classes (as I doubted they’d be willing to do any of the heavy-lifting) so that stalled. That was, until I came up with the idea of switching the class times to weekends so that the high school kids (who have classes in the afternoons) can come to learn and to help. (They are the only super-enthusiastic people in the community anyways, and they all wanted to come when I first announced it.) I’m using the same technique to save the new youth group in that huge town one over from ours. We have been unlucky with having power on the nights of our meetings, and the sun is going down earlier and earlier now, so we had two unfortunate meetings where my kids were trying to get a group of over 50 to settle down and pay attention, in the dark! Besides that, the woman who lends us the meeting space got very irrationally angry that we were meeting in the dark and threatened to report us to the Catholic “dioceses” (which mostly consists of one (married) man on his motorcycle who totally supports us anyways.) But still, my main goal here has always been to make friends, and not enemies. So, I moved those meetings to the weekend as well, which makes me all-too-busy on weekends, and perhaps not busy enough during the week anymore.
Other updates:
FIRST AID: continues to be met with mixed results. This week it rained so attendance was limited to 4, but at least they were all adult women, the audience for which the class was originally intended. I think we have one more class, then a review session and then an exam. I don’t have a good feeling for how well people will do on the exam, mostly because I don’t really know how to differentiate between who’s really in the class and who just comes sometimes, like with the nutrition class, but actually worse in this one. After we wrap up I intend to educate the ladies (strictly ladies, I will not let the teens get involved in this part) about how to begin to spread what they’ve been learning: nutrition and first aid, as that is my primary reason for being here. (If only it was to master dominoes, which I have already done… many times over.) That will take us up to December when they’d lose interest for the holiday season (which technically already began on the 8th of this month, I was just informed) and when I go home for 3 weeks! Why start anything longer before a 3 week break, right?
ESCOJO in my town: we’re doing good. Our primary focus is the group in the town nearby, and they want to do it all again in the near year in the town one over on the other side of us. I think, more power to you! The whole main goal of Escojo is for the kids to get motivated and spread the word (about condom use, getting tested, not drinking tons or doing drugs, etc.) either in individual sessions to large groups or as a set in a course to large groups. As far as the library is concerned, we’ve hit a bit of a bump in the road: no one wants to donate the land. It’s unbelievable that in a town this size, in which every single resident is a farmer with loads of land sitting and going to squat a lot of the time, and in which everyone loves to read, we can’t get anyone to donate any land…yet. I am determined and have not given up hope. We’ve only asked a few people anyways. If no one will give it up freely, we would have to go through the government to solicit them to buy the land off of someone. That, obviously, could take years, time I, obviously, don’t have.
And a stall with the stoves project as well… the application for the funds from USAID hasn’t come through, and who knows when it might. And then, I’ll still have to apply for the money, which is dwindling. (I’m not sure if you’re aware, but we’re in the middle of a financial crisis here!) (I DON’T BUY IT! We’re still the richest of the rich, just give me the money to do the stoves, okay? Okay!) Anyways…that could hopefully begin in the start of the new year as well. If it doesn’t start then, then it might not ever… I know it seems crazy, but that’s a long project and I sort of have to know now to make sure I can finish it in before the more than a year that I have left.
In my personal life:
I feel like there are some people here who get me more and more each day, mostly the kids in the youth group, but also a select group of adult men and women (and even some kiddies). These relationships all thrive on my ability to laugh and myself and not take it too personally when they laugh at me.
Lina is in a phase of chewing her leashes to pieces in very clean cuts, which is frustrating. I learned just how attached to her (and defensive of her) I am when people started to tell me she gave me ringworm. I refused to believe it, and I still do. I think that it was her mother, because that dog really is dirty. Sad, but true. I try to keep Lina as clean as possible, and sadly no one says that for Lady, Lina’s mommy.
The rats and mice are back, and boy are the louder and messier than ever. I really dislike the tails. I guess I don’t like the razor-sharp teeth that can chew threw anything either… but the tails are super gross.
In the PC volunteer circle: I’m getting to know members of the group that swore in in May better and have been enjoying that. Things did, however, get a bit heated when a particular volunteer who agrees with me that Dave Matthews is good, that Jack Johnson is okay and the John Mayer sucks then said that Dire Straits and James Taylor are not good! Abomination! Obviously, he and I can no longer be friends. It’s okay though, the new group is swearing in at the end of this month.
And my hair is SO long and sadly, so unbelievable to manage! I think since my childhood this is the first time I’ve had such long hair and zero ability to do anything with it. I get comments all the time on it, mostly because it calls a lot of attention to itself, and not the good kind. People mention its length, its frizziness, and/or where exactly I have it situated on my head, but not once have I heard that it looks particularly lovely in the pony tail I have it in for the day. So the battle continues.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
They Gave Her To Me
Imagine the possible ways that that phrase could be used. I came across one when a friend of mine here in my community told me about the little girl who recently came into her life.
My friend is a single, approximately 34 year-old teacher who lives with her 2 brothers and mother, recently received another member to the house, a 5 year-old little girl who is very quiet and very cute. I knew my friend didn’t have any kids and then her mother confirmed that the little girl wasn’t hers. At a party a few weeks ago I finally got a chance to ask my friend about the little girl. Apparently the girl’s father died in an accident and then her mother died of cancer a few years ago. And then, “they gave her to me.” Just like that she said it. The little 5 year-old would from that day be in the care of my friend and finally came to live with her a few weeks ago.
Imagine that.
My friend is a single, approximately 34 year-old teacher who lives with her 2 brothers and mother, recently received another member to the house, a 5 year-old little girl who is very quiet and very cute. I knew my friend didn’t have any kids and then her mother confirmed that the little girl wasn’t hers. At a party a few weeks ago I finally got a chance to ask my friend about the little girl. Apparently the girl’s father died in an accident and then her mother died of cancer a few years ago. And then, “they gave her to me.” Just like that she said it. The little 5 year-old would from that day be in the care of my friend and finally came to live with her a few weeks ago.
Imagine that.
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